Two months ago, I started making my bed every morning. I was never a believer in little changes. If you know me, you know I don’t like to do little things, I like to do big things. Dramatic things. Small changes are like gnats to me - they feel pointless and annoying.


I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that you should make your bed every morning. Start the day right or whatever. Military offices are especially into this idea. But my brain was always like, meh, that doesn’t really matter or make a difference. It might make a little difference but I want to make a BIG difference.


LOL. Live and learn. And I have been LEARNING.


Most of what our brains do is automated. How much do you actually think about driving when you’re driving? Your brain knows how and it just follows the well-worn “how to drive” grooves to get you from point A to point B without you even noticing.


It’s the same with relationships. There’s a reason many people report falling back into old patterns and relationship dynamics when they come home for Christmas. Suddenly they’re twelve again. This is not some mysterious phenomenon; it is literally the wiring of your brain in action.


Changing brain patterns doesn’t happen overnight. You can’t force a total makeover here. You have to make small changes - interrupt the regular flow of your wiring. Because when that flow is interrupted, all sorts of other new things are possible.


I don’t know what results have and will come from making my bed every morning. What I do know is that it’s nice to get in to a made bed at night, that the room feels more peaceful, and that I feel like I accomplished something at the end of the day even if my kids were especially needy and my to-do list was untouched. 


What I do know is I’m priming my brain for growth that wasn’t available to me two months ago.


Have you made a little change lately? Try it this week. And instead of seeing it as some new habit to embed, just think of it as doing something different - one small adjustment to your day. I’d love to hear about it.


Warmly,
Monica

Good morning!


Have you been observing yourself lately? Have you stopped to really see what you're thinking, feeling, and doing? What have you learned?


RESULTS are the effect of
ACTIONS motivated by
FEELINGS generated by
THOUGHTS about
CIRCUMSTANCES.*

[This note is the last in a five-part series. To view previous notes, scroll down.]

Your results are not dependent on your circumstances. We like to blame our circumstances when we don't like our results. We may even humbly credit our circumstances when we achieve success. But if circumstances = results, then we wouldn't have Cinderella stories.


Everyone loves a good Cinderella story. 


Why is that? Because deep down we know the truth: that our results are not determined by our circumstances.


Does Cinderella get to the ball by sheer grit? No. She changes her thoughts. She dares to think that she deserves to go. 


When you’re not getting the results you want, something needs to change. That something is your thoughts. And if your actions or feelings need to change, you need to think different thoughts to get there.


And if you want to create results intentionally, you need to figure out what feelings and actions come from the thoughts you have.


If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten. 


Do you like the results you’re getting? If not, it’s time to make a change. Change your actions, yes. But that’s hard to do without a feeling, which is hard to conjure without a THOUGHT.


Are you sick of this yet? I'm preaching it to myself every day. RESULTS start with THOUGHTS. 


This is what coaching is for. Helping you identify what is holding you back and how to make that shift so you can live a life you love.


One of the most common reasons people who are interested in personal development do not hire a coach is because they say they can do it themselves - coach themselves. And they CAN and SHOULD! But do they actually DO it? And what results are they getting?


You can consume books and podcasts and workshops all the live-long day, but if you’re not getting real results, it’s time to do something different. THINK something different.


Go get some new results this week!


Warmly,

Monica

P.S. If you're ready to get serious about seeing yourself, owning your power, and changing your life, I would LOVE to work with you. Simply send me an email and we can schedule a free one-hour phone consult to talk about where you are, where you want to be, and how you can get from here to there.



*This concept is not new, but I must credit Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School for the CTFAR acronym which she refers to as the Self-Coaching Model (used with permission), and for introducing it in a way that finally made sense to me.

Hello!

As you know, I have been learning a lot lately, not the least of which is the following equation:


RESULTS are the effect of
ACTIONS motivated by
FEELINGS generated by
THOUGHTS about
CIRCUMSTANCES.*


Circumstances are neutral.

Thoughts can be chosen.

Feelings can be changed. 

Actions aren't isolated.

[To view previous notes in this series, scroll down.]

Do you ever wonder why you don't take action when you say you want to or know you "should"?


You may very well know what to do to lose the weight, get the job, make the change - you may know the actions you need to take to get started, but you just can't get yourself to DO IT. And for the sake of this message today, let's say you actually do WANT it and it's something you chose for yourself in advance in an unstressed state.


Your brain will play all kinds of tricks on you. As much as you may think you love novelty and variety, your brain likes the well-grooved paths it's been following for decades. It doesn't want you to change.


The human brain is brilliant at coming up with reasons for not doing the thing you decided you want to do. There's no shutting it up, so my recommendation is to let it freak out and whine and badger you with [very good] arguments against your plans...and just observe. Once you start observing your brain patterns, you'll be amazed at how much they're holding you back.

Thank you, brain, for that fascinating information. You sure do have a lot to say, and that sort of thing will be very helpful if I'm ever suddenly chased by a lion, but today all I want to do is go to the gym.


Actions are not isolated. They start in your mind. They start with a thought. And if you're not taking action, you're not thinking the right thoughts or getting the right feelings. Do your children (or your theoretical children - this won't take much imagination) - do your children respond to you telling them they should do things for their own good?


Trying to make yourself go to the gym by thinking that it's good for you or that it will help you look good or be healthy is like telling a toddler to eat his spinach so he can grow up big and strong - vague at best, and certainly not compelling. 


And yes, I just compared your brain to a 3-year-old, because if you're not taking the action you say you want to take, your brain has some growing up to do. (AND BY THE WAY, I'm looking in the mirror and thinking of MY BRAIN as I write this to myself hoping that I'm not entirely alone.)


Anyway, it's time to get a new thought about the gym (or whatever). One of my favorite tricks is to break every action into super tiny actions: 


Put on shoes.
Stand.
Pick up keys.
Walk to door. 


And the thoughts that trigger those actions come so easy that you don't even realize you're thinking:


Thought:  Picking up my keys is easy.
Feeling:  Competent
Action:  Pick up keys.


You might think you can accomplish your goals and create action by sheer grit, but if you could then why aren't you there yet? And if you've been-there-done-that, then I'm guessing you have more than a few stories about b-u-r-n-o-u-t.


So go try a new approach this week. Observe yourself. See how your brain feeds you thoughts that keep you from doing what you want to do. And instead of digging in and "trying" harder, decide what actions you want to take, consider the feelings that motivate those actions, and choose thoughts that generate those feelings.


I hope you do amazing things this week.


Warmly,

Monica


*This concept is not new, but I must credit Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School for the CTFAR acronym which she refers to as the Self-Coaching Model (used with permission), and for introducing it in a way that finally made sense to me.

Hello!

If this is your first note from me, welcome! We’re in the middle of a series on how our thoughts create our results.* To view previous notes in this series, scroll down.


I have been learning that:


RESULTS are the effect of
ACTIONS motivated by
FEELINGS generated by
THOUGHTS about
CIRCUMSTANCES.


Circumstances are neutral. Thoughts can be chosen. Feelings can be changed.


Feelings are created by thoughts. We’re talking about emotions here, not sensations, putting aside the idea that thoughts may also cause physical sensations.


This is not about denying feelings! Feelings are messengers. When you feel something, allow it. Welcome it with kindness, as one of my coaches likes to say, and on neutral ground.


What is the feeling exactly? Define it as well as you can. Need help? Here is a well-defined list of over 300 emotions to get you started.


A feeling is always a response. Not a response to a circumstance, but a response to our thoughts about a circumstance. Other people can’t make you feel anything, but your thoughts about them can.

What is your feeling telling you about your thoughts?


Is it something you want to feel, or not?


If not, you can change it by changing your thoughts. If someone is “making” you upset, you can choose to give them the benefit of the doubt. You can choose to think differently about their motives, actions, or tone. You can choose to think differently about how much whatever they do actually matters to you.


Sometimes you will want to feel something that’s not positive. There is a time to laugh and a time to mourn, and you’ll probably want to experience the emotions that align with your values.


That said, often we have feelings we’d rather not experience. Anxiety is a big one for me - I can’t think of a circumstance in which I want to feel anxious. But, choose a different, believable thought and you’ll get a different feeling.


So proactively ask yourself, how do you want to feel? About your work, your partner, your kids, yourself...your life?


What thoughts create those feelings? Consciously choose those thoughts this week.


Warmly,
Monica


*This concept is not new, but I must credit Brooke Castillo at The Life Coach School for the CTFAR acronym which she refers to as the Self-Coaching Model (used with permission), and for introducing it in a way that finally made sense to me.